Random Musings

So I've still not decided what I need to go back to doing. I am so caught up in life. All I do is read and try to fix my inner self. I have a long way to go.

I really want to leave the burden of the past. I want to get rid of all my anger, my grudges, my expectations which were not fulfilled ... everything that I carry around with me. I want to release all that. I want to forgive, forget, get over, whatever I need to do to get my release from this burden. I am not going to suppress any of it. I want to cleanse my subconscious of all that burden.

I'm going to search my memory for every person who's wronged me (in my opinion) try to understand their point of view or try some meditation to get over it. It's gonna take some time. But yes, I'm gonna do it. Be liberated. Unburdened. Ye-aah.

Too much information

I had a great realization today due to something I read that Osho said about scholars and knowledgeable people. I realized that I too have become a storehouse of useless information.

What I mean is that I read/know so much useless information daily that I have made my brain a storehouse of useless trivia and facts. The information is useless. I mean I actually know what "Jumping the shark" means and which episodes of Boston Legal have "broken" the fourth wall. So, while I was thinking about what Osho had said, it dawned on me. I need to stop trying to get to know this useless information. It's got no use, and it wastes precious time which can be utilized doing something fruitful.

It's not that I enjoy reading all this. I guess I'm just trying to fill the gap inside with useless information.

Another thing that I have noticed is that I do is that I force myself to talk to people and have conversations that I don't like. Since the last two days I have decreased the number of calls that I take. I will not force myself to talk to people who spread negative energy and make me burn my time. If today is the last day of my life, then today I will waste my time talking to people who spread negative energy.

That means I am "cutting the crap" out of my life, so as to speak. As Robin Sharma puts it "Focus on the important".

So, without further ado, the following is my "Cut-the-Crap-Outta-My-Life" list:

• No more goggling for useless trivia. This also includes those long useless hours spent on wikipedia.
  
  
• No more useless telly surfing. Now, I'm only gonna watch tv for the specific programs I like. So that means no more crash & burn tv and no more elections' O8 coverage.
  
  
• No more talking to people who bitch, cry "victim" all the time, keep repeating the same crap day-in and day out and disturb my self-calm. Note to self: In case a call described in the above sentence is picked up, then it should be disconnected within five minutes with an appropriate excuse.
  
  
• No more bitching about the past and worrying about the future.

The following is a list of to do's which I need to follow:

• Starting Meditation
• Try to live in the present, the here-now
• No more useless activities
• Try to be more of a witness than a do-er
• Not trying to be bothered about what others do
• Climb down from cloud no 9

Wow!! That's some list. God!! Gimme strength to follow it.

The Reason

Over the past two days I've come to realize the fact that I tend to take myself too seriously. We put ourselves on a pedestal and think that the rest of the world is below is. That we know everything and the others are dumb. That we are enlightened and the others are not. That we know, and the others do not.

That is one of our biggest mistakes. What makes us so special? Money, good looks, good clothes everything is perishable. One day everything will go away. What will stay is our connection with God. We have come from him. And we will go back to him. Material things do not matter. They are important, no doubt, we can't do without them but they do not matter. We can have them or they can be taken away from us. But what we can't lose is our heart. Our soul. Our soul knows. It is wise.

The reason we are put on this earth is because we need to grow our soul. We need to educate it. Once we are ready, we go back into God.

When we are born, our mind may not know it, but our soul knows. Our heart is the gateway to the soul. Once we learn to use our heart, we can listen to our soul. Our soul knows. It has lived many lives. It is always trying to tell us something. We need to listen. We should learn to listen to it.

Don't take yourself so seriously. You are just another being. Every living being came from God. And that's where each goes.

We are greedy for materialistic things. But we are never greedy for nourishing our souls. God has given birth to you. God will always take care of you.

We are so full of ourselves that we forget to listen to God. We think we are all that. But we are not. Everything goes away one day. The soul knows. It tells us, but we don't listen. We listen to our greed.

Not that I am above all this. Till yesterday, I was the same. Greedy about a lot of things. I may go back to that. But today, I have listen to my soul. I know that it is futile. Today I am greedy for wisdom. I am greedy for wisdom of my soul. I am greedy for conversation with my soul. I love material things too. But I love my soul even more. I love God even more than that. My soul is my gateway to God. To listen to what God has taught me over all the lives I have lived. That is my wealth. That is my bliss.

To begin

i think I need to cleanse myself of: guilt, jealousy, greed, anger, shame, and the most important the ego.

I vow to not to take myself seriously.

I need to learn to live in the moment rather than wait for that perfect point in time. That will never come. Here-now is the perfect bliss. I need to learn to enjoy the little things and to cleanse myself of all dogmas and falsehoods that have taken over my mind.

I need to learn to live freely.

The past is a grave. And I should not live in a grave. The past is over. The future is not yet here. The present is the best moment. I should live out this moment because it will never return.

I need to discard the pseudo-knowledge that I have gathered over my life. All the dogmas that have been programmed by society into me.

I need to be happy as me. I need not be anyone else. I need to be at peace by myself. I need to be at peace with myself. There is no one I need to be but me. Just me. Me is fine. I only need to be me. No apologies. No 'I-shoulds".

Tired

I'm so tired trying to play peacemaker between my Dad and my brother. They are just always going shouting at each other. Don't even see who is around. I'm tired in trying to calm them down. Every time, everyday, something or the other. I've tried to explain things to them, to try to get through to them, but it just doesn't happen. They are always trying to have others do what they want. They are not ready to listen to anybody, let alone each other. Both of them think that other people are fools and that they have all the knowledge in the world.

Starting today, I'm not going to interfere. Let nature take it's own course. Do what you want to. Shout at each other, hit each other, now I'm not going to say a word. I'm not going to FORCE upon you my way of thinking. If you think that shouting is good, then so be it. I'm not going to explain things to you know. I'm not going to explain to them each other's point of view. I'm done. You're on your own now. I'll just say this, God bless both of you and give you the gift of peace and bliss in your heart.